Éire Baldwin is getting really candid about her pregnancy journey – and it looks like it was very difficult.
In December, Éire announced that she and her boyfriend André Allen Anjos (aka RAC) were expecting their first child.
Although she says she is thrilled to be a mum, she admits she “forgot” how difficult being pregnant can be.
“Pregnancy is hard. It takes so much out of you. I wasn’t ready for that… I underestimated how hard pregnancy would be on my mind and body,” Ireland wrote. .
She continued, “Body sensations. Aches and pains. Organs going to shit randomly. I know everyone’s experience is completely different and it’s easy for me compared to most, but it’s a struggle .”
In addition, Eire says that she developed “very serious health concerns” while pregnant, and that she is struggling to adapt to all the changes she is facing.
“It’s so hard to put so much pressure on yourself. Forget the physical aspect… I feel like my brain and thoughts are going to war every day. Mental warfare,” Ireland shared.
Although people are telling her to enjoy her pregnancy, she says she is “exhausted,” “unmotivated” and feels like “life is going by and [her] the career hasn’t even started.”
“When people expect you to be loud and angelic and always in a blessed state. It’s unreal sometimes,” she said. “I’m a goblin. Troll bridge. A curmudgeon. The glow is my skin care routine. He couldn’t be vomiting 6 times a day.”
Ireland also noted that it is difficult to see friends living their lives while she feels so alone and far away from the family she cares about.
Although she says her husband has been very supportive, she admits she still struggles, especially as she watches her friends “disappear” and realizes she was “nothing to them but a drinking buddy and a good time”.
“It’s hard to make new friends at 27. It’s hard to keep old friends close when they’re so far away,” she said. “It’s hard when your closest friends have their own shit and you never know when it’s a good time to emotionally dump on them. This shit is hard.”
Through it all, Éire says it’s worth it because she gets her little girl at the end of the experience.
“Even through all of this, none of this shows how excited I am to be a mom,” she wrote. “My career is not going anywhere and if it is, fuck it. The most important friends will be there and you will have room for new friendships.”
“All of this is worth it but it’s okay to admit how difficult and scary it can be. You’re not alone,” Ireland said.
You can read everything Ireland had to say below.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries that supports efforts to reduce harm in therapy.